Posted in happy, Therapy

Goals and Dreams for 2017

HAPPY

Travel to Southern Illinois in August to view a total solar eclipse

Attend a rock concert (or two) 🙂

Laugh and smile more everyday

Write more poetry (maybe publish a new book?)

Read more books (for enjoyment)

Get together with friends (more often)

Eat healthier foods 

Drink more water and green tea

60 days of PiYo challenge

Sign up for indoor triathlon

Sign up for a 5k or two

Go on long bike rides (for fun)

Call my mother more (at least once a week)

Visit my dad a few times a year

Get creative with my blogs

Clean and wash my vinyl records and place them in new sleeves

Sign up for a class (just for fun and learning)

Clean and organize my closet

Meditate every morning

More yoga practices

Make new friends and hang out more (widen the circle)

Become more open minded

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Posted in Memories

Getting to know me (why not?)

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Some things about me… I recently answered a series of questions from another blogger. Here are some highlights……

I work in the mail room at a horticultural company for my day job. I am also a blogger and writer. A music appreciator, a concertgoer and an all-around nice guy. I am a socializer too.

I love my wife and three wonderful nieces. I love my family and many coworkers I consider friends.

I don’t think I have enough money but I don’t need a lot more. I take advantage of discounts and Groupons when necessary. I try to live a frugal and thrifty life when possible.  I live within my means.

Yes I am healthy. Sure I tend to eat junk food like pizza and chocolate sometimes and too much coffee but for the most part I do work out and am mindful of what I do daily. It’s all about mindfulness.

I believe I am a good person because I treat people the way I wish to be treated. I have received feedback from my wife and friends that I am good so it’s got to be real.

So I’m 39 going on 40 yet I do feel like a teenager still.

My best friend is Denielle, my wife. I can’t imagine my life without her.

My dream has always been to travel all over the world, take pictures and meet people.

I do laugh every day, sometimes more than others but I tend to make other people laugh more so. That’s something to think about.

A lot of things make me smile. I get amusing thoughts in my head which eventually lead to laughter. But I do tend to smile first. I mostly smile when I meet and greet people because smiles are contagious.

Someone who I am trying to avoid right now? This person is very overwhelming and controlling. I always have to look over my shoulder and watch what I say when confronting this person.

I live just outside of Chicago Illinois.

The word “strong” is tricky because I think I’m physically strong or at least strong enough to do what I need to do to survive. But I don’t think I am the kind of person who has a strong conviction. I have a hard time admitting to failure and owning up to my mistakes.

Moving out of my moms house was an important decision in my life.  My independence was long overdue and luckily I met my future wife and she gave me a reason to do so. I often think about what would’ve happened if I never left home or met my wife that things could’ve ended up disastrous.

The stupidest thing I ever did was smoke pot in my car with a friend and get arrested and put in jail. Then my dad bailed me out. Oops. That was 17 years ago. Otherwise I feel a close second place was when I dropped out of college recently because I used my brain surgery as an excuse to stop going.

I think I like myself and at times I can love some things that I do. But I really don’t look in the mirror and say to myself “boy I love you.”

My biggest fear is being alone with nobody or the ones I love suffer from Alzheimer’s  and there’s nothing I can do for them.

Currently my favorite expression is Hee Haw

I cried the other day I don’t remember why but I cry more than the usual guy.

If we inherited a small sum of money I can pay off all of our major debts that are not reoccurring payments then I feel like we can save up for bigger and better things and take more vacations.

Worse thing that could happen right now? Lose my wife lose my job lose the house.

More random facts:

I am a published writer.

Music is one of my many passions….i just love music!

I have a tendency to crack my knuckles.

I met my wife (Denielle) over 8 years ago through eharmony…….and i am very happy i did so! i love her very much!

I am a roller coaster enthusiast!

I am obsessed with facts about musicians, actors, directors, and strange historical figures like who the worst novelist that ever lived is.

I hope to improve my living financially and find freelance opportunities writing for something.

I enjoy going to concerts. i’ve been to so many. my first one was a pink floyd concert with my dad at soldier field. that day solidified my father’s coolness.

traveling is another passion of mine: been all around America except west. i hope to travel to California someday. however south dakota was perhaps the most fascinating trip i’ve been on

i tend to not capitalize the letter”i”

i graduated from marmion military academy.

i love my mother and sister…they are two of the most wonderful women in the world who have always given very sound advice.

i drink coffee with sugar and cream and i drink tazo hot tea

i collect comic books, cd’s, dvd’s, and vinyl records!

my favorite artist is salvador dali

i took dancing lessons several times and danced the waltz at our wedding and i was on television on new years eve 2008 at williowbrook ballroom

i taught confirmation classes at church (8th and 9th graders can be a real handful) ahhhh! but it was worth it!

i workout to yoga and pilates 3-4 times a week (namaste)

i was an expert shooter with an m-16 rifle

my favorite video game is Mortal Kombat

i rode my bike 100 miles last summer in dekalb, illinois to support MS

i have read my poetry in public in parks and at bars and gave a speech at my hometown library

“i am the lizard king…. i can do anything”….my favorite quote (jim morrison)

I survived brain surgery and got married in the same year

that’s all for now

Posted in Therapy

How to feel ok with my choices

How am I supposed to know what to do? It’s hard for me to answer questions such as, “So what do you really want to do?” We eat dinner together and then we do separate things later. I am a people pleaser. Sometimes that feels like it gets me nowhere. Hurting someone’s feelings is not one of my goals in life. One would think that I would be proud of what I can accomplish in a day. This Saturday is a good example of my multitude of feelings. The emotional roller coaster ride of complication that I put myself through, almost daily.

There was a celebration of my Grandmothers 91st birthday today. The location is over twenty miles away. All day it has been snowing quite a bit. In fact, for over a month it has been cold and snowing. Anyways, we had to cancel and send our regrets for not being able to attend this birthday party because of unsafe traveling. My wife and I aren’t the greatest “snow drivers.” Even though I said something to the respective parties, I still felt bad and a little guilty for not being “man enough” to still press on and go. Instead; I went to a local grocery store, to test the winter waters, and brought home lunch.

This was a sign that driving as far away as we were originally going to do, wouldn’t have faired so well, for us. So with groceries in the kitchen, we are all set for the next week of food, etc. While home all day today, I practiced yoga and played video games. I also blogged ( in progress), watched a movie, did some editing on my forthcoming book, cleaned and did the dishes. Oh and made dinner too. My wife was also productive in her own ways too.

But the reason for this post is that I have a hard time making decisions. I tend to get distracted and lose focus quite easily. I think about friends that I am not currently hanging out with but then I think of upcoming dates to the movies and bowling parties with friends. I am all over the place. I rented another film from the library because my wife expressed interest in it, but we haven’t seen it due to some of our projects and activities we have been involved with. Still, I treat that lack of watching a film, that I have already seen, like it’s the end of the world.

Yoga is what ultimately saves me. Prayer, mediation and calm music can work their wonders on my mind and help relieve my stress so that I do not wander so much because that can lead to confusion and to anger. All I am asking is how can I make decisions without feeling bad for them?

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The goal of course is to be….HAPPY