Escaping The Cave of Seizures With Faith

The Simple Days

Many of you know me. My name is Chris Noe.  I’m a Christian, a husband to Denielle, a father of a little boy named Jacob. But what you may not know is that I have been told I am a miracle. Nearly ten years ago, my life took an unexpected twist that I was unprepared for. Only through the Grace of God have I been allowed to stand here today and talk about it. 

In 2010 my life was on a path that I had planned. Little did I know that God had a different plan for me. At the time, I was engaged to Denielle, was writing theater reviews for a small newspaper and I had just enrolled in college courses to pursue Elementary education. I even finished my semester with straight A’s. Life was going great. But something was wrong.

I was having weird sensations, giving blank stares, memory lapses and other unexplained symptoms that was troubling me for several months. A voice spoke to me, as it happened a few other critical times in my life and said, “Chris if you don’t go to a doctor right now something terrible will happen.” I firmly believe this was the voice of God pointing me on the path we needed to take.

Because we were planning our wedding in October, I knew this was something so serious that overrode the wedding plans we were making. So together with my fiancé, who was already worried about my symptoms, we made a new plan to see a doctor. God sent me a woman who was not only Christian and had the same beliefs as me, but she was also a woman who stood by my side. The two of us rode the path of the unknown and uncertainty together. We put our trust and faith in our Lord that helped us on the upcoming journey. 

Through my first appointment we discovered that I was suffering seizures and needed more tests to find out the cause. The moment happened when the doctor’s office called me to come in because the test results had to be explained in person. I was in a panic knowing that the news was not good if they needed to see me to tell me the results. Swallowing tears that came from the fear of the unknown, we walked into the office together to hear the news. 

Sense of humor before the surgery

 

The doctor calmly explained that the root cause of my seizures was from a cavernous malformation in the left temporal lobe which was bleeding into my brain. The doctor further explained that it is a lesion that resembles a small raspberry that triggers partial seizures, headaches and disrupts cognitive skills that if left untreated, could kill me. Brain surgery was inevitable.

I would be lying if I said that I had complete faith in God’s plan. There were several moments I stood sobbing in the shower so my fiancé wouldn’t see or hear me as I questioned God. Why was this happening now? Why do I have to suffer? Will my life end before I have a chance to build a life together with the woman I love?” While God’s voice was silent, He was answering me in other ways that I could not hear at the time.

God’s plan included more advanced tests with an exceptional team of doctors that would perform my surgery. My doctors reassured me that surgery would be relatively simple, with at least a month of recovery to regain my strength before I could resume the life I was leading. 

So, on July 22nd of 2010, I had the surgery with my fiancé and family at my side. I was told the surgery lasted several hours and I came through without any complications. When I woke up, I was in and out of reality and was hooked up to machines in places that I was mortified to discover. I smiled when I saw my sister and fiancé in the room with me. My memory of this time is like flash bulbs and had some unpleasant side-effects from the surgery. I apparently was speaking backwards and was not answering common questions.  Like, who was the president,? and What’s my name? Those kinds of questions. Denielle was worried. The doctors said it was due to the swelling of the brain. Eventually after a few days, I was talking normal and could answer the questions better and was released to go home and recover. 

Afterwards, my family was there to support me. God was there to support me. While I was out of work for almost 40 days, I received multiple visits and calls. I was even put to work by my fiancé to mail out wedding invitations since I was on the road to recovery.

Through it all, I kept reminding myself to this very day that I was blessed with a miracle. I hold it close to my heart because I never want to forget God’s blessings! The reason I am alive today is because of God, no question in my mind. I had the greatest neurosurgeon the world had to offer, and I am grateful because he completely removed my cavernoma with the aid of state-of-the-art technology. At the time, some of the nurses even said how amazing it was that I came through the entire experience unscathed.

October 16th 2010

Had I not listened to God speaking to me that fateful morning, my outcome would not have been so great. It is hard for us Christians to hand everything over to God. (pause) We must trust in him. This is the true definition of faith. Believing that everything will turn out alright even if our fears leads us astray.

Because my brain has gone through so much, I struggle with words at times and my short-term memory has weakened over the years. I had a neuropsychology test about a year past the surgery and the doctor compared my situation to a library staff being fired and then being replaced by young fresh librarians learning how to file and shelve everything. My mind had to find different pathways to communicate and understand knowledge; it has been challenging at times. I have had to lead my life differently because of the surgery and I must constantly remind myself that I am HERE because of GOD and it is a blessing.

The whole experience then and now made me look at myself from a whole different perspective and I think it changed me totally. I didn’t know then what God had planned for me, but I was given a powerful lesson to trust that God knows what he is doing. God doesn’t make mistakes. 

My life was at stake and yet I beat the odds and I have overcome this ordeal. I still got married six weeks after I had recovered and had the most amazing wedding celebration. Over time we were blessed with our son Jacob. Being a new daddy has provided me with confidence that God is always by my side and never lets me down. Before Jacob came along, our faith was tested again when we lost two babies. In those moments of grief, we were reminded of our time in 2010 that God has a plan even if we don’t understand why. Seeing our beautiful son now we know he is truly a gift from God. All of us are tested with our belief in God from time to time. Believing in him and keeping our faith in God keeps us close together.

Chris, Jacob and Denielle

I knew then at that time I had to hand things over to him because I truly believed in him. That is when it is the most difficult challenge each of us has with our faith. Having to get through such heartache and devastation while remaining true to our Lord. Opening my heart and mind to God’s greatness and not questioning it, is the most challenging part of ourselves when it comes to our beliefs. All things are not perfect, great or simply just happy or sad. Persevering comes from that test because we are all his children. He loves us and takes care of us even in the times where we are most defeated. I am happier now with Jacob and my wife Denielle then I ever have been because of God and his plan. Trust in His plan and set aside your own, for that is truly the path to happiness.

Thank you for listening to my story and God Bless.

Unexpected grief

Sharing fantastic news at my birthday party!

Congratulations! You’ll make great parents! 👣

The greatest feeling in the whole wide world!

Experiencing this amazing journey!

Didn’t know if we’d have a boy or girl! 💙💝

Changing diapers and thoughts of snuggling with our future little one on the couch!

Ultrasound excitement was turned upside down. 🙃

That heartbeat anticipation was replaced by a deep tug of sorrow

Smiles and laughter 😄😆 became a sad frown 😧☹️

The shock and the horror overwhelmed us two 😳

Suddenly it was time to say goodbye 😢

Words now turned to “I’m so sorry for you”

So many questions…asking why Why WHY?

It’s pain…full of cries and screams…we are lost 😩

We’ll never forget you baby

Always in our hearts ❤️

Remembering Grandma Jean Noe (1923-2016)

Dear Grandma Noe, So now you are gone. But yet I take comfort in right now. Nothing can ever take away my fond memories of you and I together. When I sleep, I dream of you and grandpa. My heart is beating still. God bless those trees and birds from heaven’s light above. I wake to sing to the birds, go where I am reminded of you. Nothing can ever shake my will. We all must learn to face our fears. In our hour of darkness; shaking cold and searching for warmth while my heart tries to beat still. But we are born ready to die. But certainly I will try to let no one shake my will to live. In you grandma, I found a love in something beautiful. I grew my strength in places unknown. So now you must go to dance with grandpa up above. I will remember you always. Love your grandson, Chris

My Tribute #loss #despair #beauty #hope #child

LIVE – LIGHTNING CRASHES (The Lyrics)

“Lightning crashes a new mother cries
Her placenta falls to the floor
The angel opens her eyes
The confusion sets in
Before the doctor can even close the door

Lightning crashes an old mother dies
Her intentions fall to the floor
The angel closes her eyes
The confusion that was hers
Belongs now to the baby down the hall

Oh now feel it, comin’ back again
Like a rollin’, thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin’ from
The center of the earth again
I can feel it.

Lightning crashes a new mother cries
This moment she’s been waiting for
The angel opens her eyes
Pale blue colored iris
Presents the circle
And puts the glory out to hide, hide

Oh now feel it, comin’ back again
Like a rollin’, thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin’ from
The center of the earth again
I can feel it.

Oh now feel it, comin’ back again
Like a rollin’, thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin’ from
The center of the earth again
I can feel it.

Oh now feel it, comin’ back again
Like a rollin’, thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin’ from
The center of the earth again
I can feel it.”

This song keeps going through my head….over and over and over again

 

We can’t always be happy but we can appreciate the beauty of gray….

I am sad. I am holding back tears. Someone I know just passed away due to complications during childbirth. I read the news today at work and my heart stopped because I am good friends with this girl’s sisters. Her name was Alla and now she is with God. But I’m so happy that she left behind her a beautiful baby that I’m sure Lisa and Anna as well as the rest of her family will be surely embracing with open arms. May she rest in peace……

 

My Miracle Mom

I apologize in advance if I am getting my facts mixed up. This is how I remember the day my mother nearly met her fate.

10 years ago today on December 31st 2003, my mom was rapidly breathing in her bedroom. I asked her if she was okay, as we were both getting ready for work. Her answer didn’t indicate that it was serious but rather she was feeling a little weak, tired and under the weather. Although, she did have to lean on me when walking down the hallway. I admit that this was a little bit unusual but I simply just had my breakfast, made sure she took cold medicine or whatever and kissed her goodbye, hoping that she had a good day at work and to drive safely. I try to not to overreact to things and to keep cool. After a few hours at my job, the phone rings at my desk. It’s my sister. She asked me if mom was ok and if I have heard from her. She called mom several times with no answer. Then I called her. Nothing. A friend of hers down the street came by to check on her. I believe it was Pam. She opened the garage door and went into the family room. My mom was just laying on the couch sleeping, still panting heavily. Pam asked her if she was okay, or something like that. I think then she drove her to work perhaps? I say this because it was revealed that at some point she was at work but resting in the lounge and not at her desk. A co-worker, Cindy, drove her home but asked if she wanted to go to Urgent Care. My mom refused. So I think my mom drove herself to work.

What I know for certain is that my sister called back and in a seriously crying tone said, “You need to come quickly to the hospital.” I tried to pull myself together. What happened? Perhaps her friend Cindy took it upon herself to take her to the ER. Something wasn’t right. I excused myself from work and drove to the hospital. I was fighting back tears and my head was spinning as if I was in a nightmare and everything was distorted. What on earth happened? The doctor indicated some kind of blood infection. Perhaps it was pneumonia. Some of the signs were there. Chest pains when she breathed deeply or coughed, shortness of breath and fatigue with muscle aches.But whats all this with the blood infection? She had red spots all over her body, almost like chicken pox. Cognitively she wasn’t making any sense really. Her memory bank was randomly mentioning things out of the clear blue in a slurred speech pattern. My sister, Jessica and I were starting to freak out. Another friend, Yvonne was there, supporting us and trying to make sense out of this. In addition, Pam and Cindy came to see my poor mom in this unusual state. In my entire life up until I was 27 years old, my mother never went to the doctor or spent any time at the ER. This was serious and sudden.

The ER staff  ran EKG tests, ultrasound tests and  Cat Scans. All we knew is that she was very sick and would be admitted to the hospital for a long time. We also found out that she had diabetes. But what was the main culprit? The answer came as a sever shock! Bacterial Meningitis!! Woa! This was a deadly problem especially for a woman at age 52, at the time. How did she contract this horrible disease? Why was my mom being contained behind a glass wall? Why did we have to wear gloves and a mask suddenly, in order to see her? WHY? Her fever was high! 106 degrees! The stiff neck, the fluid in the lungs and the red spots were all present symptoms. This became a touch and go process. Family had to be contacted. With it being New Years Eve, many people were out of town and unavailable. How can I go to sleep? What’s going to happen?

days, weeks, and 2 months of; induced coma, a ventilator down her throat, neurologists, pulmonary specialists, therapists, 100’s of friends, family (distant ones from out of state), prayers and patience; my mother made it through these incredible odds. We dealt with social workers, late night headaches and tears. I battled a soar throat and fatgue of my own with the constant talking to employees and sharing stories with my relatives. We did what we needed to do in order to let the doctors and nurses do their thing. Honestly, I don’t know how she made it alive. A nurse once told me that she is a miracle. They never saw anyone fight so hard. Her not being able to talk and full of bed soars and the 50/50 odds of survival were all speaking doom.

Laughter, smiles, jokes and prayers is what ultimately did it, for me. I prayed to the Virgin Mary to help me get through this. I called her answering machine on her cell phone just to hear her voice until that day came when she was released to go home which wasn’t until the end of February of 2004. We helped her get stronger and encouraged her to see a physical therapist. She takes medicine for the diabetes and uses a cane to walk around. She managed to even return to work, although it was for a different company because her previous employer let her go, due to cutbacks. Even though it was unfair, she still was persistant and found employment elsewhere and continued to drive herself to and from work everyday.

Life can surprise you everyday. We all manage to endure a lot of pain and when we think the world around us is shattered, life reveals to us the truth. We can survive. It’s a miracle everyday when we take that first breath. Thank you mom for pulling through and being my miracle mom. I love you and HAPPY NEW YEAR