Posted in Memories

A #pastiche #blizzard of #1999

I was 23 in 1999.

I was working for a company called Servicemaster and still lived at home.

My dad and I drove to the Black Hills of South Dakota. It was a wonderful Father/Son roadtrip.

I was taking night classes on computers and html web designing at the time.

My friend, Matt Chivari, and I spoke for the last time. Not sure why but that was that.

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I met a woman named Denise at a comedy theatre performance. She was funny and talented. My best friend Tony was directing a spoof of the Glass Menagerie and I spotted this Denise and asked to have a drink with her. She and I spoke for a couple of hours and she inspired me to stick with art. She recommended a movie, My Dinner With Andre. I told her how much I like the Pet Sounds record. She said someday I will write my pet sounds. She gave me a business card but i lost it.

Also…there was a blizzard that year!

Memories…..ahhhhh

Posted in Therapy

Flashback to 1995

This isn’t necessarily a “happy” poem but it makes me “happy” that after 20 years, I still have this poem.

It exposes the truth of how I felt then and how it echoes how I have been feeling lately……

famous (May 1995)

can’t even write

don’t know what to say

there is no light

to make me feel okay

uncomfortable in my shoes

punishing my feet

put them to use

just to look neat

knuckles i crack

to help me think

i arch my back

and try not to blink

sitting and staring

looking around me

emotional bearings

trying to escape me

music without

i am bored

entering of doubts

cannot afford

i am distant

apart from friends

this very instant

too much blends

my head explodes

whenever i am lonely

the memories implode

crying…only

wish i were famous

never have to worry

time makes us

life is a hurry

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Posted in poetry, Therapy

The Careless Days

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to run through the grass
chasing a frog
watching the cardinals feed
upside down hanging from a tree
playing records all night long
staying up late watching movies
blowing bubbles in the wind
sitting on a chair outside
watching the cars go by
jumping in the swimming pool

mom giving me a dollar to
buy an ice cream cone
from the ding ding man
staring up at the clouds
sleeping in the backyard
on the trampoline
then my sister and I go bouncing
until its time for dinner
saturday morning cartoons
MTV videos

basketball on the driveway

“college nights
drinking coffee
smoking cigarettes
eating pie”

holding hands on the riverwalk
campfire stories
roasting marshmallows
roadtrips on a sunny afternoon
TAG you’re IT!!!

boat rides on the lake
biking through the trails
the smell of a candy store
bubble baths
long games of monopoly
wind blowing through the tree tops
that sound of a gentle sway
days of the carnivals
caurosels and cotton candy
roller coaster rides
and tickle fights

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those were the careless days

Posted in poetry

Why Poetry?

It always brings me back to my youth
Tasting an apple for the very first time
Smelling the fresh air of the summer wind
As your friend gives you an underdog on the swing set at recess
I loved those days, it always felt like summer
The first ride in the car going down to Florida
For summer vacation
Capturing memories and dreams on paper
Why poetry? Because it has everything that real life
lacks. Absolute freedom like you couldn’t imagine
A child is poetry
Because poetry is open-minded and confused
My poetry is confused by me sometimes
Both children and poems are vulnerable

Sadness and joy
Laughter and anger
Greed and envy

Unlimited feelings and emotions become adjectives
In poetry
Thoughts stray constantly
Without boundaries
There’s too much structure
In America sometimes
Not enough innocence
Why poetry? Everyone has something to say
Our souls must roam free.
Throughout human history as our relatives
Have had to face the shocking and alarming fact
That we have no clue who we are
Or where
We are going
In this maze called life!
The people of “power”
The ones in command?
You know?
The religious
The political
The educational establishment?
They have tried to sooth us
By giving us order, rules, and a set of laws
Instructing us and shaping our minds
To accept their view of reality
What about my view of reality?
That is “why poetry” for me
I still want to hug a bag full of sweets
And run around wild chasing fireflies
Once again I return to my youth
Helping my dad out in the garage
Or baseball games with the neighborhood kids
At the lot across the street
I take steps forwards
And sleepwalk backwards
To the small days of early life
Why poetry? I want to think for myself
I question authority
and the rules it provides
Poetry is not structure
We must keep talking
And let loose the power of our mind’s eye
Put ourselves into a state of open-mindedness
Allow room for chaos and confusion
Weren’t things better when we were young and confused?
I want to live dangerously
And yet remain calm, clear and observant
I’m no fool, I see what goes on all around me
So I write because its how I feel
That is “why poetry” for me.

 

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My priorities exist and belong in the REAL social world!!!!!

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I am a social kind of guy who wears Converse. And conversations over coffee and pie at a diner with a friend (or friends) puts me in a relaxed state of mind. When I shop around at a record store I talk to a guy named Steve; or as I call him, Sunday Steve. He works behind the counter and likes to talk about music. So do I. Normally I talk about music at my other blog: http://www.themusicbard.wordpress.com

I have the kind of job where I interact with people everyday. On the phone, via internet and believe it or not, IN PERSON!!! Wow! What a concept! Actually communicating with human beings in the flesh.

We’re not robots or computer data after all! Hooray! We are mammals and I am one of the social beings that exist out there.

I enjoy my job.

Helping other people. Solving problems. Answering questions. Listening to someone’s problems.

Just being there….helps

No I am not a psychologist or a social worker or a mentor or a teacher or a counselor. But I did go to college and I did get a degree in Sociology. However, the paths of my career choices led me to warehouses, office spaces, computers, copy machines, marketing distribution forms, mail machines, post offices, banks, train stations and conversations with the receptionists in the office.

A human resources representative once told me that I am “the corner stone of this company.” She said I was “creative, unique and original.”

I seem to apply my “social skills” to all of my environments.

I provide a social service everyday……making others laugh and listening to them cry too.

Recently I suspended my facebook account because it was finally getting to be too much for me to handle. Too much insanity! Too much drama! I need my own place to get out my feelings.

My happiness comes from connecting with other people in the real world. Lunch dates. Going out to the movies. Taking a jog through the neighborhood and saying hello to other people as I pass them on the street. Conversations are AWESOME! Humanity is a blessing. Empathy and sympathy does exist. We are all connected.

Sometimes you just have to press the reset button and disconnect and remember what you’re supposed to be doing.

Charity begins at home and my neighborhood.

I have much to be thankful for. Where am I lacking? Where have things become more important than Family or friends? This is a time to pray, give to others and give up so that I can become empty and get filled with a life of faith, hope and love.

What’s the biggest time waster and love defeater? facebook, for me.  I’m gonna try to turn it off for a while. I know it sounds tough. But I will blog as much as I want and spend more time with my new book dedicated to road trips. I am more than 75% done.  The goal for me is to take control of my family (Denielle, Smokey “the little canary upstairs” and I) back from some of the technology that is slowly robbing our lives of intimacy and closeness. I’m not preaching to my friends and family. I chose this for myself to do for however long it takes. I only ask that you respect my choice.

Part of the fun of this is that it is part of our shared sacrifices, language and love that reminds us that we belong to something so much bigger than just us and our own wants and desires. I have many obsessions and bad habits. More happy blog posts will re-focus my priorities and life goals to better my health. Peace out family and friends. This time, I will do it. Call or email me if you wanna talk.

https://noeshappyplace.wordpress.com/contact/

 

Love,

Chris

This is my babble for today.

If you want to FOLLOW me then click off to the right were it says (FOLLOW)

Posted in Uncategorized

Hugs are MAGICAL

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I love hugs. I feel connected to this world when someone gives me a hug. A warm embrace of genuine friendship makes me happy. Doesn’t matter if I give the hug or somebody else hugs me first. I no longer feel alone in this world when this occurs. It is therapy for sad & grumpy days. Suddenly I feel safe, like everything is gonna be alright. Hugging someone builds trust and boosts my ego and I am in a good mood. Its relaxing and I am loaded with confidence. Give a hug today. I guarantee you’ll feel better.

Posted in Uncategorized

A Golden Opportunity

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I am employed at an excellent company with awesome benefits. Ball Seed is a world leader in plant development & distribution. So I have a career in the Horticultural world. Ever since I began working there almost eleven years ago, I have been exceptionally HAPPY. The people I interact with every day are simply amazing! After all of these years I have received numerous vacation days,made a lot of friends and have experienced other great opportunities. One major accomplishment  I will share with you now.

You see, after ten years, you get to attend a great big banquet and award ceremony. Cocktails, mingling and music kicked off a spectacular evening. It felt like a real classy wedding, or something. Gourmet food was certainly quite delicious! Managers gave speeches awarding everyone with such dedication and the years of service put into the company. I received my award pin and got to hug the C.E.O. on this special night. I received a book with a list of prizes to claim.

The prize I chose was “travel vouchers.” I spent some time with my wife deciding where to go and what to do. Finally, we made our decision. I wanted to go somewhere I haven’t been to since my father and I took a special journey almost fifteen years ago. Nature, wildlife, mountains, rivers, fresh smell of pine needles, history and a peaceful retreat is exactly what I need. To get away from the hustle and the bustle of the suburbs provides salvation to this busy life I can get caught up into daily.

I am simply talking about the Black Hills of South Dakota. To some folks, this may not seem that exciting but it is for us. Hiking through the woods, lakes and hills among fresh air and away from computer devices is great medicine. To observe wild rock formations known as the “badlands” and man-made tributes to our presidents (Mount Rushmore) and great Native American warriors (Crazy Horse) blasted on lush, breathtaking mountain tops are truly remarkable.

We are staying in an old restored 1800’s cabin for five days. We are “unplugging.” I am taking photography lessons before our roadtrip this Spring. I want to enhance my skills and use my wife’s Pentax digital camera and get a better grasp of shutter speed, aperture and lighting. Taking pictures is a passion of mine. Roadtrips are a passion of mine. Exploring the great outdoors and the essence of America is what we are seeking.

So this voyage was 15 years in the making. Uncle Sam made this possible and most certainly I owe a debt of gratitude to Ball Horticultural Company and all of these exciting years getting to know a wonderful family. They rewarded me for all of my efforts. Because I love music so much, I like to make playlists and soundtracks to the various moments I experience. I truly feel this is a great opportunity that I must take to center myself.

My wife is spiritual and connected to her Native American heritage deeply. She loves the outdoors, even if the outdoors don’t always agree with her asthma and allergies. But she enjoys hiking and kayaking anyways and doesn’t let her medical issues stop her from embracing life. We both agree that I’d love to own a cottage in South Dakota some day. The sights and sounds of the black hills’ forests are quite astonishing!

So this is something that is truly exciting for me and most certainly makes me HAPPY.

Posted in Therapy

How to feel ok with my choices

How am I supposed to know what to do? It’s hard for me to answer questions such as, “So what do you really want to do?” We eat dinner together and then we do separate things later. I am a people pleaser. Sometimes that feels like it gets me nowhere. Hurting someone’s feelings is not one of my goals in life. One would think that I would be proud of what I can accomplish in a day. This Saturday is a good example of my multitude of feelings. The emotional roller coaster ride of complication that I put myself through, almost daily.

There was a celebration of my Grandmothers 91st birthday today. The location is over twenty miles away. All day it has been snowing quite a bit. In fact, for over a month it has been cold and snowing. Anyways, we had to cancel and send our regrets for not being able to attend this birthday party because of unsafe traveling. My wife and I aren’t the greatest “snow drivers.” Even though I said something to the respective parties, I still felt bad and a little guilty for not being “man enough” to still press on and go. Instead; I went to a local grocery store, to test the winter waters, and brought home lunch.

This was a sign that driving as far away as we were originally going to do, wouldn’t have faired so well, for us. So with groceries in the kitchen, we are all set for the next week of food, etc. While home all day today, I practiced yoga and played video games. I also blogged ( in progress), watched a movie, did some editing on my forthcoming book, cleaned and did the dishes. Oh and made dinner too. My wife was also productive in her own ways too.

But the reason for this post is that I have a hard time making decisions. I tend to get distracted and lose focus quite easily. I think about friends that I am not currently hanging out with but then I think of upcoming dates to the movies and bowling parties with friends. I am all over the place. I rented another film from the library because my wife expressed interest in it, but we haven’t seen it due to some of our projects and activities we have been involved with. Still, I treat that lack of watching a film, that I have already seen, like it’s the end of the world.

Yoga is what ultimately saves me. Prayer, mediation and calm music can work their wonders on my mind and help relieve my stress so that I do not wander so much because that can lead to confusion and to anger. All I am asking is how can I make decisions without feeling bad for them?

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The goal of course is to be….HAPPY