Posted in Uncategorized

Drifting Wisdom

Is there a vessel for my magical words?
buried under thrashing guitar noises
why bother organizing anything at all
when i can sip from my black coffee
potent as the air in this room
breathing slow and deep
with a blade that cuts the silly faces
of scanned brains
hiding in the ancient mugs of doom
corrected by blue fields stuck on sheets
of ordinary lives gone
through acid wisdom
they cannot see me in this place
I have drifted beyond the lake
now swirled by colors and drawings
do not end this relationship
between the sky and metallic bridges
the paint splattered in  the wars of men
it is pink in here among the drug plains
crashing into the desert realm
I shall keep calm and carry on
stationed in the corner
I will read my book and then do back flips
raising my fists in the sky
feeling so high on razor sharp electric music
radio waves strangle my brain
until the eggs of thought spill on the floor
my head is split wide open now
the eye shaking king is here to
take me away from reality
a prisoner of time’s pieces are breaking away
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Posted in Memories

Getting to know me (why not?)

on__the_edge_of_meloncholy

Some things about me… I recently answered a series of questions from another blogger. Here are some highlights……

I work in the mail room at a horticultural company for my day job. I am also a blogger and writer. A music appreciator, a concertgoer and an all-around nice guy. I am a socializer too.

I love my wife and three wonderful nieces. I love my family and many coworkers I consider friends.

I don’t think I have enough money but I don’t need a lot more. I take advantage of discounts and Groupons when necessary. I try to live a frugal and thrifty life when possible.  I live within my means.

Yes I am healthy. Sure I tend to eat junk food like pizza and chocolate sometimes and too much coffee but for the most part I do work out and am mindful of what I do daily. It’s all about mindfulness.

I believe I am a good person because I treat people the way I wish to be treated. I have received feedback from my wife and friends that I am good so it’s got to be real.

So I’m 39 going on 40 yet I do feel like a teenager still.

My best friend is Denielle, my wife. I can’t imagine my life without her.

My dream has always been to travel all over the world, take pictures and meet people.

I do laugh every day, sometimes more than others but I tend to make other people laugh more so. That’s something to think about.

A lot of things make me smile. I get amusing thoughts in my head which eventually lead to laughter. But I do tend to smile first. I mostly smile when I meet and greet people because smiles are contagious.

Someone who I am trying to avoid right now? This person is very overwhelming and controlling. I always have to look over my shoulder and watch what I say when confronting this person.

I live just outside of Chicago Illinois.

The word “strong” is tricky because I think I’m physically strong or at least strong enough to do what I need to do to survive. But I don’t think I am the kind of person who has a strong conviction. I have a hard time admitting to failure and owning up to my mistakes.

Moving out of my moms house was an important decision in my life.  My independence was long overdue and luckily I met my future wife and she gave me a reason to do so. I often think about what would’ve happened if I never left home or met my wife that things could’ve ended up disastrous.

The stupidest thing I ever did was smoke pot in my car with a friend and get arrested and put in jail. Then my dad bailed me out. Oops. That was 17 years ago. Otherwise I feel a close second place was when I dropped out of college recently because I used my brain surgery as an excuse to stop going.

I think I like myself and at times I can love some things that I do. But I really don’t look in the mirror and say to myself “boy I love you.”

My biggest fear is being alone with nobody or the ones I love suffer from Alzheimer’s  and there’s nothing I can do for them.

Currently my favorite expression is Hee Haw

I cried the other day I don’t remember why but I cry more than the usual guy.

If we inherited a small sum of money I can pay off all of our major debts that are not reoccurring payments then I feel like we can save up for bigger and better things and take more vacations.

Worse thing that could happen right now? Lose my wife lose my job lose the house.

More random facts:

I am a published writer.

Music is one of my many passions….i just love music!

I have a tendency to crack my knuckles.

I met my wife (Denielle) over 8 years ago through eharmony…….and i am very happy i did so! i love her very much!

I am a roller coaster enthusiast!

I am obsessed with facts about musicians, actors, directors, and strange historical figures like who the worst novelist that ever lived is.

I hope to improve my living financially and find freelance opportunities writing for something.

I enjoy going to concerts. i’ve been to so many. my first one was a pink floyd concert with my dad at soldier field. that day solidified my father’s coolness.

traveling is another passion of mine: been all around America except west. i hope to travel to California someday. however south dakota was perhaps the most fascinating trip i’ve been on

i tend to not capitalize the letter”i”

i graduated from marmion military academy.

i love my mother and sister…they are two of the most wonderful women in the world who have always given very sound advice.

i drink coffee with sugar and cream and i drink tazo hot tea

i collect comic books, cd’s, dvd’s, and vinyl records!

my favorite artist is salvador dali

i took dancing lessons several times and danced the waltz at our wedding and i was on television on new years eve 2008 at williowbrook ballroom

i taught confirmation classes at church (8th and 9th graders can be a real handful) ahhhh! but it was worth it!

i workout to yoga and pilates 3-4 times a week (namaste)

i was an expert shooter with an m-16 rifle

my favorite video game is Mortal Kombat

i rode my bike 100 miles last summer in dekalb, illinois to support MS

i have read my poetry in public in parks and at bars and gave a speech at my hometown library

“i am the lizard king…. i can do anything”….my favorite quote (jim morrison)

I survived brain surgery and got married in the same year

that’s all for now

Posted in Therapy

Is there a place?

“I am writing now because there is too much going on in my crazy lightening head

There is a lot for me to say

It is important for me to……pause……

Portions should be relevant

Avoid the snowball effect

Respect the choices of other people

Stop feeling guilty about my decisions

Change my perception

Detach the personal feelings

Tap into my cognition for a little bit

Be prepared for something that is real” —Me