well it writes words and draws circles around thoughts
what does a pen do?
um, it doodles and spills ink on these thin lines?
the pen cannot do anything without me
just sits on the corner of my bed and maybe it will roll off
falling on the carpet and then i have to reach down
and pick it up and write more
but what else does a pen do?
i dunno stabbing someone that keeps asking me this?
its a weapon to fight off writers block
ideas like to hide from me but my pen is my light saber
that attacks these blank pages with aggressive force
i force and shove my words on this stupid piece of paper
because it just wastes away until i come along
stomping, biting, digging my aggressive words of wisdom
in between these tiny rows
i squeeze the tip of this pen which is having a hard time
providing the ink when i want it to be read
by a random curious person that happens to stumble
upon this bitch fight between the pen and
the crappy recycled notebook paper
oh how i hate this!
and now a new sheet for me
to express myself
or at least whatever seems to be seeping
from my head at the current moment
but soon it will pass
and so will my gas
and then the room will clear
but not my pen because i am
its master painter
no pen is useful without my strokes
of curiosity and the whimsical nature
that i possess
what good is a pen without rivers
The warmth grows where the feelings
Of the deep mourning lie
We seek to grow
Always trying to know
But the ever changing symbols
That fester in our minds
Focus and reflect upon
The mirror of our souls.
The softly spoken words
Never wander away
Smooth is the surface
Of these shelves of thought.
Nothing is what it seems
Because what we are
Is what another dreams.
All that we’ll ever be
Is something that no one can see.
At the center of situation
Like nothing ever began.
It is interesting when thoughts
Cannot control themselves
They invade the spaces
Beneath our feelings
And the end of all we see
Comes not easily.
Couldn’t bare to find
What we left behind
In the new light
The burning is almost too much
We have buried the strength
To withstand the agony of change.
Left to break
And die alone……
—author CHRISTOPHER NOE
The above poem you just read was an excerpt from my book: Wait For The Night To Smile
What you are looking at is some really talented clay art that my oldest niece, Amanda, made recently. I am especially proud of her crafts. She and her sisters love the new game out there called minecraft. Personally, it’s not for me. But what I have gathered is that it is the LEGOS for our new generation of virtual, iPhone and computer using kids nowadays. Everything is techno. It’s basically a sandbox without getting dirty. It inspires creativity and a way to feel proud of something you can build or invent for others to check out and enjoy. What else can I say? Whether I like a game or not….I can appreciate the idea and ways to escape the burdens of school, stress and to simply have fun!
It always brings me back to my youth
Tasting an apple for the very first time
Smelling the fresh air of the summer wind
As your friend gives you an underdog on the swing set at recess
I loved those days, it always felt like summer
The first ride in the car going down to Florida
For summer vacation
Capturing memories and dreams on paper
Why poetry? Because it has everything that real life
lacks. Absolute freedom like you couldn’t imagine
A child is poetry
Because poetry is open-minded and confused
My poetry is confused by me sometimes
Both children and poems are vulnerable
Sadness and joy
Laughter and anger
Greed and envy
Unlimited feelings and emotions become adjectives
Thoughts stray constantly
There’s too much structure
In America sometimes
Not enough innocence
Why poetry? Everyone has something to say
Our souls must roam free.
Throughout human history as our relatives
Have had to face the shocking and alarming fact
That we have no clue who we are
We are going
In this maze called life!
The people of “power”
The ones in command?
The educational establishment?
They have tried to sooth us
By giving us order, rules, and a set of laws
Instructing us and shaping our minds
To accept their view of reality
What about my view of reality?
That is “why poetry” for me
I still want to hug a bag full of sweets
And run around wild chasing fireflies
Once again I return to my youth
Helping my dad out in the garage
Or baseball games with the neighborhood kids
At the lot across the street
I take steps forwards
And sleepwalk backwards
To the small days of early life
Why poetry? I want to think for myself
I question authority
and the rules it provides
Poetry is not structure
We must keep talking
And let loose the power of our mind’s eye
Put ourselves into a state of open-mindedness
Allow room for chaos and confusion
Weren’t things better when we were young and confused?
I want to live dangerously
And yet remain calm, clear and observant
I’m no fool, I see what goes on all around me
So I write because its how I feel
That is “why poetry” for me.
What Makes a Dad
God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle’s flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
He called it … Dad
What Makes A Dad
Wiped my ass when I was a baby
Taught me how to ride a bike despite me crashing into a tree and getting blood and dirt on me
Coached me in little league baseball
Came to the rescue when my classmates in 6th grade tried throwing me into a dumpster
You were my Scoutmaster in Boy Scouts and truly helped me become an Eagle Scout
You have always given me solid advice
Built a loft for me in college and drove all the way down by yourself because there was a part missing and it was very selfless of you to do that
We went on an amazing trip, just you and I, to South Dakota
You always helped me with my math homework, whenever you could
With several scary moments involved, you taught me how to drive. I think you had white knuckles then.
You took me to my first concert. It was Pink Floyd at Soldier Field. Very awesome!
You taught me how to mow the lawn
You went to my graduation ceremonies both in high school and in college.
Impersonated Donald Duck
Made me laugh a lot
You have an impressive music collection and taste (especially pink floyd)
A White Sox fan and went to a lot of games together.
You were always handy in the kitchen and with the grill.
You watched my track meets, swim meets and cross country meets
You drove me to school in your cool dodge truck
You let use drive your truck for a couple of summers to take to work when I was at the theater.
When I drove a Plymouth Acclaim, you had a cd player installed in it for my birthday and I was surprised!
You took us to the movies when mom had Tupperware parties.
You taught CCD and ushered at church
A firefighter for 20 years
You demonstrated the properties of liquid nitrogen at school and various organizations and froze a hot dog and it shattered on the ground when you smashed it.
We built model rockets and pinewood derby cars together for scouts while listening to the Beatles in the background.
You even took me out for my 21st birthday and bought me several drinks.
Thanks Dad for always being there for me…..no matter what!
I am employed at an excellent company with awesome benefits. Ball Seed is a world leader in plant development & distribution. So I have a career in the Horticultural world. Ever since I began working there almost eleven years ago, I have been exceptionally HAPPY. The people I interact with every day are simply amazing! After all of these years I have received numerous vacation days,made a lot of friends and have experienced other great opportunities. One major accomplishment I will share with you now.
You see, after ten years, you get to attend a great big banquet and award ceremony. Cocktails, mingling and music kicked off a spectacular evening. It felt like a real classy wedding, or something. Gourmet food was certainly quite delicious! Managers gave speeches awarding everyone with such dedication and the years of service put into the company. I received my award pin and got to hug the C.E.O. on this special night. I received a book with a list of prizes to claim.
The prize I chose was “travel vouchers.” I spent some time with my wife deciding where to go and what to do. Finally, we made our decision. I wanted to go somewhere I haven’t been to since my father and I took a special journey almost fifteen years ago. Nature, wildlife, mountains, rivers, fresh smell of pine needles, history and a peaceful retreat is exactly what I need. To get away from the hustle and the bustle of the suburbs provides salvation to this busy life I can get caught up into daily.
I am simply talking about the Black Hills of South Dakota. To some folks, this may not seem that exciting but it is for us. Hiking through the woods, lakes and hills among fresh air and away from computer devices is great medicine. To observe wild rock formations known as the “badlands” and man-made tributes to our presidents (Mount Rushmore) and great Native American warriors (Crazy Horse) blasted on lush, breathtaking mountain tops are truly remarkable.
We are staying in an old restored 1800’s cabin for five days. We are “unplugging.” I am taking photography lessons before our roadtrip this Spring. I want to enhance my skills and use my wife’s Pentax digital camera and get a better grasp of shutter speed, aperture and lighting. Taking pictures is a passion of mine. Roadtrips are a passion of mine. Exploring the great outdoors and the essence of America is what we are seeking.
So this voyage was 15 years in the making. Uncle Sam made this possible and most certainly I owe a debt of gratitude to Ball Horticultural Company and all of these exciting years getting to know a wonderful family. They rewarded me for all of my efforts. Because I love music so much, I like to make playlists and soundtracks to the various moments I experience. I truly feel this is a great opportunity that I must take to center myself.
My wife is spiritual and connected to her Native American heritage deeply. She loves the outdoors, even if the outdoors don’t always agree with her asthma and allergies. But she enjoys hiking and kayaking anyways and doesn’t let her medical issues stop her from embracing life. We both agree that I’d love to own a cottage in South Dakota some day. The sights and sounds of the black hills’ forests are quite astonishing!
So this is something that is truly exciting for me and most certainly makes me HAPPY.
This occurs when I am preoccupied where I lose track of time
When I am writing while listening
to the right sounds, rhythms and tunes
on the computer blogging and cataloging
or downloading music
essentially doing research
talking about something
that excites me and that I feel so passionate about
without skipping a beat.
In Michigan at my dad’s
watching a movie
writing in my notebook
and sorting through music
long bike rides
iPod on a train
When my boss is off work
even for a few hours
in the bathroom
at an amusement park
Music (rock, jazz, indie, mellow)
Going to diners
Collecting weird items
Hanging out with friends
Salvador Dali paintings
Black and White photographs
Listening to Jazz Records
Going to Concerts
Discussing rock bands
The behavior of people
We spent time with our nieces last weekend. They helped me make my annual chocolate nut clusters. I’ll reserve another blog entry talking about that. But what I want to focus on here is my youngest niece, Sydney. She loves to play games and is a real curious 9 year old girl. My wife likes to knit and crochet as a passion and hobby. Sydney took a real interest into what she was doing one night and wanted to crochet something. So Denielle, my wife, showed her how to make a chain. An endless one. This little princess became so fascinated with it.
What made me really happy was when she asked if it was okay to play my iPod through my iJuke (mini jukebox). The music of Adele, Katy Perry and Imagine Dragons played from that powerful little stereo system. She ran into our bedroom as we were each reading a book and said to us, “Look at what I’m doing? I really like listening to the music too because it helps me stay focused.” There’s so much truth in how helpful music can be as therapy to get you through projects. I am proud to call Sydney my niece. As a music fanatic and blogger, I take pleasure in being an Uncle to her and my two other nieces; Amanda and Samantha. All three have a love for music, art, poetry, writing and games.