How am I supposed to know what to do? It’s hard for me to answer questions such as, “So what do you really want to do?” We eat dinner together and then we do separate things later. I am a people pleaser. Sometimes that feels like it gets me nowhere. Hurting someone’s feelings is not one of my goals in life. One would think that I would be proud of what I can accomplish in a day. This Saturday is a good example of my multitude of feelings. The emotional roller coaster ride of complication that I put myself through, almost daily.
There was a celebration of my Grandmothers 91st birthday today. The location is over twenty miles away. All day it has been snowing quite a bit. In fact, for over a month it has been cold and snowing. Anyways, we had to cancel and send our regrets for not being able to attend this birthday party because of unsafe traveling. My wife and I aren’t the greatest “snow drivers.” Even though I said something to the respective parties, I still felt bad and a little guilty for not being “man enough” to still press on and go. Instead; I went to a local grocery store, to test the winter waters, and brought home lunch.
This was a sign that driving as far away as we were originally going to do, wouldn’t have faired so well, for us. So with groceries in the kitchen, we are all set for the next week of food, etc. While home all day today, I practiced yoga and played video games. I also blogged ( in progress), watched a movie, did some editing on my forthcoming book, cleaned and did the dishes. Oh and made dinner too. My wife was also productive in her own ways too.
But the reason for this post is that I have a hard time making decisions. I tend to get distracted and lose focus quite easily. I think about friends that I am not currently hanging out with but then I think of upcoming dates to the movies and bowling parties with friends. I am all over the place. I rented another film from the library because my wife expressed interest in it, but we haven’t seen it due to some of our projects and activities we have been involved with. Still, I treat that lack of watching a film, that I have already seen, like it’s the end of the world.
Yoga is what ultimately saves me. Prayer, mediation and calm music can work their wonders on my mind and help relieve my stress so that I do not wander so much because that can lead to confusion and to anger. All I am asking is how can I make decisions without feeling bad for them?
The goal of course is to be….HAPPY