If Only…

HAPPY

If Only…

i could accept the changes of my life

I was a little boy again riding my bike through the woods

there was more time to fix the broken heart

the trauma and stress went away

I could sleep longer

i could meet up again with old friends

i could handle the suffering

i wouldn’t become unglued so easily

I could embrace mental illness with open arms

the explosions were less severe

I was stronger

the summer never ended

the Fall could last forever

Winter never came

the pain would stop growing

life was simpler

Bewildered Existance

This is not intended to be a NEGATIVE poem

Its is merely coming from a place of love……

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A natural observer

Sitting on a bench beside

A brick wall

Strangers passing by

Different colors

Different ideas

It’s who we are

Music dances in the head

No one is the same really

But everyone plays the game

Life is very complicated

There’s no easy way to do it

Not everyone wins in the end

Everyone separates themselves

Getting into their own worlds

Of confusion

To try and figure it out

What is the answer to life?

Or is life even asking questions?

Why do we follow routine?

A course laid down

By the generations before us

Is it safe to feel secure

And have we forgotten about our spirits?

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Things keep getting complicated

We work hard to make things difficult

Destroying land to build chaos

To educate our children devastation

How often is the world silent

With it’s overcrowded streets?

We took our energy and created machinery

The days keep getting shorter

With all this mass destruction

Seems like there’s no time to breath

Build clean energy all around

People need to know one another

To love the earth

To remove their hate

To increase their positive flow of energy

People should appreciate

What’s around them already

Talk of revolution

In this different era

A rebellion against conformity

A resistance towards regulation

A generation brainwashed

Cannot breath

A rat race towards success

Thought control

The minds we know

It must come to an end

Chaos swims throughout the land

An understanding must be explained

Bursting are the words

The thoughts

Which tell of planned deaths

A dying America is what’s foreseen

A negative force

Unnoticed by most

It’s destroying happiness

Something which apparently

This nation was founded on

So tired of the world observed

Divided by hatred, opinions and jealousy

What is the goal of humanity?

To be some place where one can think

Believe in examining your feelings

Why is success measured in such materialistic ways?

Eventually the path doesn’t feel so right

Eventually you just want time to figure your life out

Growing weary racing towards the sun

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Getting to know me (why not?)

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Some things about me… I recently answered a series of questions from another blogger. Here are some highlights……

I work in the mail room at a horticultural company for my day job. I am also a blogger and writer. A music appreciator, a concertgoer and an all-around nice guy. I am a socializer too.

I love my wife and three wonderful nieces. I love my family and many coworkers I consider friends.

I don’t think I have enough money but I don’t need a lot more. I take advantage of discounts and Groupons when necessary. I try to live a frugal and thrifty life when possible.  I live within my means.

Yes I am healthy. Sure I tend to eat junk food like pizza and chocolate sometimes and too much coffee but for the most part I do work out and am mindful of what I do daily. It’s all about mindfulness.

I believe I am a good person because I treat people the way I wish to be treated. I have received feedback from my wife and friends that I am good so it’s got to be real.

So I’m 39 going on 40 yet I do feel like a teenager still.

My best friend is Denielle, my wife. I can’t imagine my life without her.

My dream has always been to travel all over the world, take pictures and meet people.

I do laugh every day, sometimes more than others but I tend to make other people laugh more so. That’s something to think about.

A lot of things make me smile. I get amusing thoughts in my head which eventually lead to laughter. But I do tend to smile first. I mostly smile when I meet and greet people because smiles are contagious.

Someone who I am trying to avoid right now? This person is very overwhelming and controlling. I always have to look over my shoulder and watch what I say when confronting this person.

I live just outside of Chicago Illinois.

The word “strong” is tricky because I think I’m physically strong or at least strong enough to do what I need to do to survive. But I don’t think I am the kind of person who has a strong conviction. I have a hard time admitting to failure and owning up to my mistakes.

Moving out of my moms house was an important decision in my life.  My independence was long overdue and luckily I met my future wife and she gave me a reason to do so. I often think about what would’ve happened if I never left home or met my wife that things could’ve ended up disastrous.

The stupidest thing I ever did was smoke pot in my car with a friend and get arrested and put in jail. Then my dad bailed me out. Oops. That was 17 years ago. Otherwise I feel a close second place was when I dropped out of college recently because I used my brain surgery as an excuse to stop going.

I think I like myself and at times I can love some things that I do. But I really don’t look in the mirror and say to myself “boy I love you.”

My biggest fear is being alone with nobody or the ones I love suffer from Alzheimer’s  and there’s nothing I can do for them.

Currently my favorite expression is Hee Haw

I cried the other day I don’t remember why but I cry more than the usual guy.

If we inherited a small sum of money I can pay off all of our major debts that are not reoccurring payments then I feel like we can save up for bigger and better things and take more vacations.

Worse thing that could happen right now? Lose my wife lose my job lose the house.

More random facts:

I am a published writer.

Music is one of my many passions….i just love music!

I have a tendency to crack my knuckles.

I met my wife (Denielle) over 8 years ago through eharmony…….and i am very happy i did so! i love her very much!

I am a roller coaster enthusiast!

I am obsessed with facts about musicians, actors, directors, and strange historical figures like who the worst novelist that ever lived is.

I hope to improve my living financially and find freelance opportunities writing for something.

I enjoy going to concerts. i’ve been to so many. my first one was a pink floyd concert with my dad at soldier field. that day solidified my father’s coolness.

traveling is another passion of mine: been all around America except west. i hope to travel to California someday. however south dakota was perhaps the most fascinating trip i’ve been on

i tend to not capitalize the letter”i”

i graduated from marmion military academy.

i love my mother and sister…they are two of the most wonderful women in the world who have always given very sound advice.

i drink coffee with sugar and cream and i drink tazo hot tea

i collect comic books, cd’s, dvd’s, and vinyl records!

my favorite artist is salvador dali

i took dancing lessons several times and danced the waltz at our wedding and i was on television on new years eve 2008 at williowbrook ballroom

i taught confirmation classes at church (8th and 9th graders can be a real handful) ahhhh! but it was worth it!

i workout to yoga and pilates 3-4 times a week (namaste)

i was an expert shooter with an m-16 rifle

my favorite video game is Mortal Kombat

i rode my bike 100 miles last summer in dekalb, illinois to support MS

i have read my poetry in public in parks and at bars and gave a speech at my hometown library

“i am the lizard king…. i can do anything”….my favorite quote (jim morrison)

I survived brain surgery and got married in the same year

that’s all for now